that I could be considered a Christian for 5 years, and do not understand basic theology. If somebody came up on the street and asked me what salvation, faith, truth and the Trinity meant I would have trouble answering his questions. That's probably because I have never been asked these questions directly; rather indirectly, and I wasn't expected to give an answer. Therefore I never was obliged to take Christian faith seriously.
Other than the ones I see every Saturday and Sunday at service the majority of my friends are 'apathetists' or atheists. I remember taking a philosophy class in year 10 solely because all my other school friends were doing it as well, and I didn't want to be left out of the circle. When the teacher asked if anybody believed in a god no one put their hands up, not even me because I was not ready to defend my faith. The teacher looked a bit shocked, replying 'well, many people rely on religion as inspiration in their lives.' But still she didn't get any response that admitted that they believed in God, and my friend silently muttered to me, 'well, don't you go to church?'
Showing posts with label tl;dr. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tl;dr. Show all posts
Friday, June 10, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Gap Year
Earlier in the year I was wondering if it would be wise to take a gap year. My initial reason was out of emotional and physical stress; uni was just getting too much for me, and I thought that taking a 'step back' and evaluating myself, would probably make myself a better person in the long run. I have doubts however; in fact I think it might do nothing for me. So I'm making this post for myself to evaluate and explore my true motives for taking a gap year.
First to quickly clarify; architecture is a 5 year course. 3 years gives you B. of Environmental Design, then 2 years more gives you an M. Arch. The bachelor is almost a useless degree; without the Masters you can't really get a job as a registered architect (I assume to myself that I want to take the whole damn course because I want to be an architect). I can get the B. En, and then because of the way the course is structured I can take a gap year.
Now, the pro tips. I know a lot of people like the idea of gap years. What gap years mean to them is exploring the world, gaining knowledge outside the classroom (good in lots of ways, since that knowledge isn't obtainable if you just stick inside uni), learning more about the world about them and gaining insight to what they really want to do in the future (i.e. how to change the world for the better). Yes, I agree on all on them, but it hinges on many other decisions I have to make. If I take the gap year seriously plenty of opportunities are going to open up. I have very faint plans or ideas of what to do if I take a gap year. Things like traveling overseas for several months or half a year, and taking a job is on the list.
And then, that's where we hit the cons. Knowing my own nature I know I will waste the gap year doing nothing but stuck in the house helping mother and being lazy. First my parents might restrict me, second it all goes back to me; I will be content with restricting myself. I'm a person who's content to step back, and thinking but not doing. I'm the do-it-later type, the think-of-all-the-possibilities, but I never see myself doing anything I dream of doing. I haven't even got a job yet. I haven't got true motivation for what I really want work through in life. Hence, if I am going to take the gap year, I'll need to do much more planning and I need to pour more effort into planning and doing rather than floating and just surviving in uni like a half dead dog.
Also, a couple of my friends at youth are also approaching the year where they graduate, or are able to take a gap year like me. They're actually planning to spend it on mission trips, voluntary work overseas, and going to Bible seminar. I am a bit late into their discussions, and in fact I have to admit I'm far apart of what they're doing. I have to question myself if I'm actually doing this to join the bandwagon. Am I doing it because my friends are doing it?
Now the big question; is it in God's plan for me to take a gap year, or will it be better to keep focusing on my education in uni? To be honest I don't care about anyone's opinions whether I should take a gap year. I think I should decide for myself; but most importantly I'm doing this so I don't fall in the trap of following others people decisions rather than the decisions that come from God; which matter the most.
I did pray about it, the answer was a 'wait'.
First to quickly clarify; architecture is a 5 year course. 3 years gives you B. of Environmental Design, then 2 years more gives you an M. Arch. The bachelor is almost a useless degree; without the Masters you can't really get a job as a registered architect (I assume to myself that I want to take the whole damn course because I want to be an architect). I can get the B. En, and then because of the way the course is structured I can take a gap year.
Now, the pro tips. I know a lot of people like the idea of gap years. What gap years mean to them is exploring the world, gaining knowledge outside the classroom (good in lots of ways, since that knowledge isn't obtainable if you just stick inside uni), learning more about the world about them and gaining insight to what they really want to do in the future (i.e. how to change the world for the better). Yes, I agree on all on them, but it hinges on many other decisions I have to make. If I take the gap year seriously plenty of opportunities are going to open up. I have very faint plans or ideas of what to do if I take a gap year. Things like traveling overseas for several months or half a year, and taking a job is on the list.
And then, that's where we hit the cons. Knowing my own nature I know I will waste the gap year doing nothing but stuck in the house helping mother and being lazy. First my parents might restrict me, second it all goes back to me; I will be content with restricting myself. I'm a person who's content to step back, and thinking but not doing. I'm the do-it-later type, the think-of-all-the-possibilities, but I never see myself doing anything I dream of doing. I haven't even got a job yet. I haven't got true motivation for what I really want work through in life. Hence, if I am going to take the gap year, I'll need to do much more planning and I need to pour more effort into planning and doing rather than floating and just surviving in uni like a half dead dog.
Also, a couple of my friends at youth are also approaching the year where they graduate, or are able to take a gap year like me. They're actually planning to spend it on mission trips, voluntary work overseas, and going to Bible seminar. I am a bit late into their discussions, and in fact I have to admit I'm far apart of what they're doing. I have to question myself if I'm actually doing this to join the bandwagon. Am I doing it because my friends are doing it?
Now the big question; is it in God's plan for me to take a gap year, or will it be better to keep focusing on my education in uni? To be honest I don't care about anyone's opinions whether I should take a gap year. I think I should decide for myself; but most importantly I'm doing this so I don't fall in the trap of following others people decisions rather than the decisions that come from God; which matter the most.
I did pray about it, the answer was a 'wait'.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Drinking and Driving, or Sleeping and Driving
The all-nighter is home to me, I have at least two per fortnight every time during university terms. So when I was watching Mythbusters on a Monday night (I don't watch Mythbusters, but it's my brother's favourite TV show and he has the TV on all the time it's been on) they decided to test myth 'is it worse to drive tired then to drive tipsy?'. And finally, they put a myth up that I could relate to.
I've driven tired at least twice this year already, with a minimum of three hours sleep, which I know is very dangerous. As much as I want to go take the bus when I'm tired, the car is just too convenient. Being able to hitch everything (which is sometimes a lot; my laptop, my models, my A1 sized plots, with my obligatory things I need to have with me like my mobile, my iPod and my flask full of stimulants) and also cutting half the time it takes to get to uni is sometimes to me worth the price of petrol to get there. I know a lot of people in uni do this as well.
With normal driving during the day time I can still stay awake (but not completely alert) on not much sleep. I find I can concentrate all right if I'm driving through places with a 100km/h limit or in the city. I usually turn up my music very loud (because usually in this case when I drive I am all by myself which allows me to listen to my own shitty music) and that usually keeps me up. It's only when I drive below a certain limit, usually around suburban areas, and if I'm driving without music, that's when I run into trouble, because driving patterns becomes a little tedious, there's not much traffic so you don't have to think and automatically turn this way and that, and it tends to make you more bored and tired. If you had less than 5 hours of sleep, you will find that you will fall asleep behind the wheel very soon.
As a evil little confession, to stay awake behind the wheel and to combat my fatigue I speed a lot, often 10 km/h or so above the speed limit, because the thrill of speeding keeps me awake. It seems counter-intuitive to do so, because by speeding you run a higher risk from getting into accidents. Mix that with no sleep at all, and your risk of getting into an accident probably would fly off the roof.
Back to the Mythbusters episode, which I will now promptly spoil for you, they found that it was worse driving tired then tipsy, which I found a bit surprising. Even though strictly speaking Mythbusters are not a source of true solid scientific evidence or advice, at least there is now evidence of the case. I've actually heard someone confess in first year that they found that they drove worse tired then when they drove back from a party drunk. Which says an awful lot about my driving; I will not think of drinking alcohol and then driving (in fact I don't drink alcohol at all, so that's out of the question). But I'm doing something potentially worse; driving while tired, and speeding while tired.
So conclusion? Not much sleep for Rachel makes her a complete devil behind the wheel. Obviously I've got to know my limit now and stick to it, or find out the hard way. Finding out the hard way will be an absolutely nasty shock to say at the least. I should make it a rule in my life never to drive without more than seven hours of sleep regardless of how much stuff I need to hitch on the bus while I wait 30 minutes for it to come. I think that sounds better then possibly losing your life in a car accident because you were too tired.
I've driven tired at least twice this year already, with a minimum of three hours sleep, which I know is very dangerous. As much as I want to go take the bus when I'm tired, the car is just too convenient. Being able to hitch everything (which is sometimes a lot; my laptop, my models, my A1 sized plots, with my obligatory things I need to have with me like my mobile, my iPod and my flask full of stimulants) and also cutting half the time it takes to get to uni is sometimes to me worth the price of petrol to get there. I know a lot of people in uni do this as well.
With normal driving during the day time I can still stay awake (but not completely alert) on not much sleep. I find I can concentrate all right if I'm driving through places with a 100km/h limit or in the city. I usually turn up my music very loud (because usually in this case when I drive I am all by myself which allows me to listen to my own shitty music) and that usually keeps me up. It's only when I drive below a certain limit, usually around suburban areas, and if I'm driving without music, that's when I run into trouble, because driving patterns becomes a little tedious, there's not much traffic so you don't have to think and automatically turn this way and that, and it tends to make you more bored and tired. If you had less than 5 hours of sleep, you will find that you will fall asleep behind the wheel very soon.
As a evil little confession, to stay awake behind the wheel and to combat my fatigue I speed a lot, often 10 km/h or so above the speed limit, because the thrill of speeding keeps me awake. It seems counter-intuitive to do so, because by speeding you run a higher risk from getting into accidents. Mix that with no sleep at all, and your risk of getting into an accident probably would fly off the roof.
Back to the Mythbusters episode, which I will now promptly spoil for you, they found that it was worse driving tired then tipsy, which I found a bit surprising. Even though strictly speaking Mythbusters are not a source of true solid scientific evidence or advice, at least there is now evidence of the case. I've actually heard someone confess in first year that they found that they drove worse tired then when they drove back from a party drunk. Which says an awful lot about my driving; I will not think of drinking alcohol and then driving (in fact I don't drink alcohol at all, so that's out of the question). But I'm doing something potentially worse; driving while tired, and speeding while tired.
So conclusion? Not much sleep for Rachel makes her a complete devil behind the wheel. Obviously I've got to know my limit now and stick to it, or find out the hard way. Finding out the hard way will be an absolutely nasty shock to say at the least. I should make it a rule in my life never to drive without more than seven hours of sleep regardless of how much stuff I need to hitch on the bus while I wait 30 minutes for it to come. I think that sounds better then possibly losing your life in a car accident because you were too tired.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Justin's Birthday
is today.
After the aftermath of the Steam sale, I have got:
- GTA4 (which I am unlikely to play until forever)
- the GTA4 expansion pack (ditto)
- Bioshock
- Half-life 2
- Mirror's Edge (playing that now)
- Audiosurf
- Battlefield: Bad Company 2 (which was gifted to my brother as a birthday present instead)
The problem is, I shouldn't have brought that many games, because I have only a week to play them before leaving for overseas. (When I get back from holidays I have to start uni straight away, so I will have to put them all back on the shelf)
After the aftermath of the Steam sale, I have got:
- GTA4 (which I am unlikely to play until forever)
- the GTA4 expansion pack (ditto)
- Bioshock
- Half-life 2
- Mirror's Edge (playing that now)
- Audiosurf
- Battlefield: Bad Company 2 (which was gifted to my brother as a birthday present instead)
The problem is, I shouldn't have brought that many games, because I have only a week to play them before leaving for overseas. (When I get back from holidays I have to start uni straight away, so I will have to put them all back on the shelf)
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Troll-lol-lol-ing
As I said before I was forced to drive around houses to go caroling, and that was yesterday. I went in a group of ten people. There was a pastor to talk about Jesus, and two people to play guitars, and the rest singing. Oh, and there was a angel to 'spread the good news' and proclaim the birth of Jesus. Unfortunately, that job was given to me.
At 6pm I arrived at the church, with everyone jamming on guitars, which wasn't good for my ears.
Then we poor carolers set out to the first house (while the Bed Intruder song was on repeat), and had a family of grandparents, parents and kids over for Christmas Eve dinner. We sung in the cramped (and very warm) lounge room, and we were given presents (ie generic box of chocolates), pandan cake and juice upon completion of singing.
The next house had lots of bottles of Guinness lying around and a person called Doris who I somewhat didn't know. And after completion of singing, we got dinner, which had to be rather quick since we had to dash to the next house.
So I didn't really eat my share, and my hands were still rather sticky from handling some eggs while I was gripping the steering wheel. Poor pastor got lost on the way and started going around circles in Forest Lakes. Even with me knowing the area very well, I still followed the pastor around in his car like a lost sheep and I wanted to yell at him for going the wrong way. But that wasn't the worse.
When we got on to Roe Highway (finally) the pastor took a wrong turn and continued on to the freeway, while I missed a turn and drove to the airport instead*. The car containing the boys however had my brother in it, aka the family GPS. So they got to the next house ages before me or pastor got there.
So after we finished the caroling session, which was at Jon's place by the way, we didn't get any presents, but we got Jon leading a mini worship session and us singing Yahweh and Came to My Rescue like the good old times at youth. After that however, we played Jon's favorite game, which was Taboo.
You can tell Jon loves this game, because he keeps on quoting his two unfortunate friends, Derek and Frame, and how they make a great team together. He loves to quote Frame especially, because of his rather incomplete English vocabulary and one of his attempts to describe the word 'Transformers' (which went something like this: 'Movie! Movie! You watch it!').
But when you play Taboo with Derek, Frame, and Jon, you know you have a great team, because the three combined are bound to say something ridiculous such as:
After some people had to leave, I stayed to watch people chat about HTC Desires and P plates, and then I went home.
*No seriously, there are three very confusing roundabouts on the turnoff from Karel Avenue. If you tell me to drive to Jon's house I will probably turn to the airport instead. I bet if you let James May loose there he will never ever get out for eternity.
At 6pm I arrived at the church, with everyone jamming on guitars, which wasn't good for my ears.
Then we poor carolers set out to the first house (while the Bed Intruder song was on repeat), and had a family of grandparents, parents and kids over for Christmas Eve dinner. We sung in the cramped (and very warm) lounge room, and we were given presents (ie generic box of chocolates), pandan cake and juice upon completion of singing.
The next house had lots of bottles of Guinness lying around and a person called Doris who I somewhat didn't know. And after completion of singing, we got dinner, which had to be rather quick since we had to dash to the next house.
So I didn't really eat my share, and my hands were still rather sticky from handling some eggs while I was gripping the steering wheel. Poor pastor got lost on the way and started going around circles in Forest Lakes. Even with me knowing the area very well, I still followed the pastor around in his car like a lost sheep and I wanted to yell at him for going the wrong way. But that wasn't the worse.
When we got on to Roe Highway (finally) the pastor took a wrong turn and continued on to the freeway, while I missed a turn and drove to the airport instead*. The car containing the boys however had my brother in it, aka the family GPS. So they got to the next house ages before me or pastor got there.
So after we finished the caroling session, which was at Jon's place by the way, we didn't get any presents, but we got Jon leading a mini worship session and us singing Yahweh and Came to My Rescue like the good old times at youth. After that however, we played Jon's favorite game, which was Taboo.
You can tell Jon loves this game, because he keeps on quoting his two unfortunate friends, Derek and Frame, and how they make a great team together. He loves to quote Frame especially, because of his rather incomplete English vocabulary and one of his attempts to describe the word 'Transformers' (which went something like this: 'Movie! Movie! You watch it!').
But when you play Taboo with Derek, Frame, and Jon, you know you have a great team, because the three combined are bound to say something ridiculous such as:
FL: It's a movie...you got...
Jon: LAID!
After some people had to leave, I stayed to watch people chat about HTC Desires and P plates, and then I went home.
*No seriously, there are three very confusing roundabouts on the turnoff from Karel Avenue. If you tell me to drive to Jon's house I will probably turn to the airport instead. I bet if you let James May loose there he will never ever get out for eternity.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Fitting All the Broken Pieces Together
Last week was a good week of talking to the Lord, and He has spoken very clearly about a lot of things, even though I am struggling with daily devotional time, and sometimes I don't end up praying every day.
For one, as I was collecting my marked folios and assignments from uni, I felt so horrified and disappointed at my work. I didn't want to touch it, I never wanted to set eyes on it again. I never wanted to know the mark because I knew it was probably close to a fail.
When I came back I then protested to God, muttering in half-dim-witted prayer in the hope He heard me. It went somewhat like this: 'I'm doing so bad in my course. It's probably because I lack desire for it now. You see God, I don't know why I'm studying architecture, when I don't truly have a passion for it. I don't hate it a fair lot, you know, like Monica hates accounting, but I just feel that I can't keep up any more. You know, if I keep this up, I'm eventually going to really hate it, and quit in my fury.'
To my surprise God answered with a straight reply, 'Look, why are you giving up so easily? You have a million things you want to start, but then you never finish. Like your videoing for example, or the time you took up costuming. Or even your piano playing. Besides, you really shouldn't be worrying about it, thinking about what you're going to study is actually very trivial, and the fact that you have a life in eternity, means that you shouldn't waste time thinking about what you are going to do in this life. You should spend some more time thinking about how you can serve Me. Besides, you haven't done that in a long time. But I don't want you to give up. I want you to hold in longer, because I didn't put you in this place for nothing.'
I wondered, how long? 'It doesn't really matter how long. If you do decide to quit, then I will bless you with whatever other path you chose. If you don't, then make yourself useful for once.'
So now I am wondering how to serve the Lord. I am thinking of joining the arts team at youth. At first I didn't want to go, because I thought that pride in my position would get the better of me. But then God said, 'it is a greater sin if you do not serve Me.' And when I thought back, I realised it was actually true; because I held back that one talent to serve the Lord, eventually led to my declining interest in design. And now, I am at wit's end to find out what really do I have left in life to do. What a silly excuse, this pride issue; I've tried to drown what seemed to be a big sin, but then it led to an even bigger sin. I heard the devil likes doing that.
Now I guess I found it, almost. I'm thinking of other options. But now I found that being with God truly gives you peace.
For one, as I was collecting my marked folios and assignments from uni, I felt so horrified and disappointed at my work. I didn't want to touch it, I never wanted to set eyes on it again. I never wanted to know the mark because I knew it was probably close to a fail.
When I came back I then protested to God, muttering in half-dim-witted prayer in the hope He heard me. It went somewhat like this: 'I'm doing so bad in my course. It's probably because I lack desire for it now. You see God, I don't know why I'm studying architecture, when I don't truly have a passion for it. I don't hate it a fair lot, you know, like Monica hates accounting, but I just feel that I can't keep up any more. You know, if I keep this up, I'm eventually going to really hate it, and quit in my fury.'
To my surprise God answered with a straight reply, 'Look, why are you giving up so easily? You have a million things you want to start, but then you never finish. Like your videoing for example, or the time you took up costuming. Or even your piano playing. Besides, you really shouldn't be worrying about it, thinking about what you're going to study is actually very trivial, and the fact that you have a life in eternity, means that you shouldn't waste time thinking about what you are going to do in this life. You should spend some more time thinking about how you can serve Me. Besides, you haven't done that in a long time. But I don't want you to give up. I want you to hold in longer, because I didn't put you in this place for nothing.'
I wondered, how long? 'It doesn't really matter how long. If you do decide to quit, then I will bless you with whatever other path you chose. If you don't, then make yourself useful for once.'
So now I am wondering how to serve the Lord. I am thinking of joining the arts team at youth. At first I didn't want to go, because I thought that pride in my position would get the better of me. But then God said, 'it is a greater sin if you do not serve Me.' And when I thought back, I realised it was actually true; because I held back that one talent to serve the Lord, eventually led to my declining interest in design. And now, I am at wit's end to find out what really do I have left in life to do. What a silly excuse, this pride issue; I've tried to drown what seemed to be a big sin, but then it led to an even bigger sin. I heard the devil likes doing that.
Now I guess I found it, almost. I'm thinking of other options. But now I found that being with God truly gives you peace.
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